How Your Favorite Teacher Eats Every Day
Recently, Elle magazine published a piece meant to to inspire the working woman to
slit her wrists, laugh maniacally at the insanity of people who need more to think about, give up, take better care of herself. They looked to the owner of the popular L.A. juice bar Moon Juice to outline her routine of self-care and eating during her busy day. Her routine basically set the Interwebs on fire as everyone shared her crazy. One blogger even noted that it would cost roughly $720/day to imitate this diet. Inspired yet? (Note: Remind me to never visit this juice bar because a) it should be obvious, b) I can not pronounce half of the menu and c) I may get thrown out for all the laughing and pointing.) (Also, I am sure this woman is a super savvy business person but thinking she may take herself just a wee bit too seriously and/or might need a beer and a burger. Just sayin’.) Anyhow, let’s just say Amanda Chantal Bacon has inspired this working woman to outline how your favorite teacher eats every day. You know, because a teacher’s lunch is nothing short of inspiring.
5:30 a.m.Upon waking in a frantic sweat, your favorite teacher gropes around blindly to find her iphone and just shut the alarm the f*ck off already. After hitting snooze no less than three times, your favorite teacher quickly “meditates” in order to figure out just how many minutes she needs to be presentable.
5:54 a.m. Your favorite teacher stumbles into the shower, throws on some makeup, and some hair gel. Her hair can dry on the commute. It’s called that just-out-of-bed-look. Literally.
6:01 a.m. Your favorite teacher pauses to throw on a smart jacket and pair of killer heels. These two items can fix any outfit hastily thrown on in a dark closet. It’s science.
6:09 a.m. Your favorite teacher tip toes down the stairs as to not wake up sleeping children who will then desperately need her attention. She then pours herself the first of many very necessary cups of coffee. (Cost: $1.50 for grinds, milk and sugar…right? ish?)
6:11 a.m. Your favorite teacher grabs her pre-made lunch out of the fridge and throws it in her bag. She toasts and English muffin, throws on some jam, wraps it in a paper towel. She pours herself another To Go cup of coffee while drinking the original coffee. #skills (Cost: $3.50 if we’re being generous with portions)
6:21 a.m. Your favorite teacher eats her breakfast whilst driving to school and/or commuting via public transportation.
10:00 a.m. Your favorite teacher may have a moment to hoark down a snack while a) cursing the photo copier during her prep, b) reading aloud during her students’ snack break or c) passing her work area on the sly. It’s probably a Lara bar and/or leftover candy stolen from the secretary’s desk last week. Whatever, it’s wrapped. (Cost: Either $1.99 or free…depends)
11:05 a.m. or some other truly odd time that screws with you for half the summer until you settle into a normal adult’s schedule. Remember that pre-made lunch your favorite teacher threw in her bag? Well, don’t get excited. She definitely has to go grocery shopping after work today so it’s PB and J all the way. And an apple. For her health. (Cost: Let’s shoot high and say what, $9?)
3:05 p.m. Cold coffee from the To Go cup your favorite teacher poured at the crack of dawn. Oh, and remember that candy on the secretary’s desk? That. (Cost: Someone should give your favorite teacher her money back.)
6:00 p.m. Your favorite teacher has several choices. She can a) order a pizza because she had a day or b) crush it at the grocery store and cook a killer meal because she is a teacher and a rockstar and if anyone can crush it on multiple fronts, it’s her. It’s really a crap shoot. (Cost: Let’s meet in the middle and say $12 all in? If you want to only count what your favorite teacher ate, not the whole family. $25 if you want to count those
two three glasses of wine.)
Total cost for inspiring everyone? $40.99 on the high end. And I think a disproportionate amount on wine and coffee.