I think it’s pretty safe to say that everyone in the world has a snow day today. Okay, maybe not everyone in the world, but if you live in the tri-state area or anywhere in the mid-Atlantic states, you are hopefully just getting up, sipping some coffee and reveling in your snow day. (Unless, of course, this is your billionth snow day THIS YEAR…If this is the case for you, sorry for the Snow Day Clusterf*ck because there is a point where snow days no longer warrant high fives, inside out pajamas and prayers before bedtime. At that point, enough is enough.)
Regardless – NEW YORK CITY PUBLIC SCHOOLS GOT A SNOW DAY, Y’ALL! We had ONE last year and that precious day was the first snow day called in FIVE YEARS! And don’t be fooled, that doesn’t mean NYC hasn’t gotten heinous amounts of snow, it just means we, the teachers, have trudged to work in all sorts of conditions like we had taken the oath of the postal service or something.
But, NYC teachers just didn’t ‘get a snow day’. They got a snow day that was called the DAY BEFORE! Which means there was time for extensive Snow Day Preparations. By Snow Day Preparations, you may think I’m referring to something involving the children, however, I’m not. I’m referring to a moment where a teacher can revel in indulging HERSELF or HIMSELF (for once) by going to the grocery store on the way home to buy delicious treats for the next day (picture grilled cheese for lunch, friends…and maybe some soup NOT from a can), renting copious amounts of movies (you know, all the ones we missed when they were in the theaters because we ritualistically drag home enormous piles of work that consume our free time), turning OFF their alarm clocks and (gasp) perhaps choosing a book to read for pleasure.
Now I recognize that making the call to cancel school is a big decision. There are a ton of factors to consider, one of which is the infuriating fact that weather men (and women) love to hyper-predict storms of biblical proportions. Like a few weeks ago, when we were supposed to get DUMPED on and nothing happened. I actually had Snow Envy because I had worked myself up into a Snow Day Frenzy. I mean, one could conceivably declare a snow day and have no actual snow fall which then makes one look kind of like a douche, right? HOWEVER, this is not the ONLY way that the Keeper of the Snow Day can look like a flaming douche, friends. No, not at all.
Pause for a moment and remember this lovely moment brought to us by the NYC Department of Education just a mere year ago.
Setting: A snowy morning. 5 a.m. (Yes, 5 a.m.- that’s when I had to get up.) Teachers all over the tri-state areas sit in the dark, squinting at the bottom of their TVs, waiting for their school’s name or district to pop up on that oh-so-mystical scrolly thing. BECAUSE SEEING THE SNOW OUTSIDE THE WINDOW WAS NOT ENOUGH CONSIDERING WE HAD NOT HAD A SNOW DAY IN FIVE YEARS DESPITE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ACTUAL SNOW.
5:30 a.m. Nothing.
Me: (to my cat) Are you insane? It’s like totally blizzarding out there.
5:35 a.m. Nothing.
Me: Crap. I have to get in the shower or I’m going to be late. This is ridiculous.
Turns off TV and goes upstairs.
6:05 a.m. Cell phone rings.
Me: (fully dressed and about to put on my coat…I can be fast when I want to be) Are you kidding me? We don’t have school today? Are you SURE?
6:15 a.m. Back in bed.
That day, the day of the Late Snow Day Call, teachers and parents everywhere were furious because they had a) left for school already b) had no time to make other day care arrangements and c) HAD LEFT FOR SCHOOL ALREADY.
When the Keeper of The Snow Day was questioned as to why he waited so DAMN LONG to call the snow day despite the mountains of snow outside the window, he responded with something like this:
“If you looked out your window and saw all that snow and didn’t think there was a snow day, I can’t help you. And if you don’t know the ways in which to find that type of information, maybe you NEED another day in school.”
Oh no he di-in’t!!
But yes he did. Don’t believe me. Click here.
Please keep in mind that there had not been a snow day for five years and, despite the fact that he said, “Snow day!” at 5:35 ish in the morning does not mean that the message was instantaneously delivered round the world or to people who were busy getting themselves or their children ready.
I mean, if that’s not a way to win over the potential votes of parents and teachers everywhere, I don’t know what is.
So enjoy today friends. Luxuriate in the early call, the turned off alarm clocks and the grilled cheeses of your day.