An Open Letter To Staples
Why must our relationship be so contentious? So fraught with emotion? Longing? Mistrust?
Year after year, you taunt me during my time of rest with back-to-school commercials that seem to appear earlier and earlier each summer. Don’t you know that these commercials, while humorous to many, only serve to remind me of the hundreds and hundreds of dollars soon to leave my wallet? I can’t count the number of times I have been reclining on the couch with a fruity, cool, umbrella topped drink, happy to engage in utter mindlessness (read: Golden Girls and What Not To Wear reruns) when your commercial (read: cruel reminder) pop up on the screen and my state of zen is disrupted by visions of school drama to come.
I feel like we keep trying to break up, but can’t quite make it stick. Every time I think I’m through with you, you lure me back with promises of Big Savings for Teacher Appreciation Day. Come in now! Get your free tote! Filled with goodies! We appreciate what you do! Lies. All lies. Because I DO come in, I DO ask for the free tote and every time, EVERY SINGLE TIME you tell me I have the wrong date. Suddenly, I’m all dressed up with no place to go. Even my cries of, “I checked online and it said today was my day!” don’t seem to phase you. With a cool, “that must be the date for another location” you dismiss me, toss me aside.
I hate myself for it, but I keep coming back. Is it because I’m too lazy to find a replacement? Too used to your ways? Complacent? I don’t know.
There are just enough good times though, just enough for me to fool myself that you are the one for me. Like today. Convinced I had the date correct, I came back to you and as my eyes adjusted to your fluorescent lighting I saw it. Your gift to me. Your apology.
A brightly colored mix-and-match assorted paper clip stand. Mix. And. Match.
There were various sizes of containers to choose from which could be filled with big paper clips, small paper clips, animal shaped paper clips, colored paper clips, SHINY paper clips….whatever I wanted. Whatever. I. Wanted.
(sigh) I love you Staples. I just can’t seem to quit you.