An Open Letter To Staples

Why must our relationship be so contentious? So fraught with emotion? Longing? Mistrust?

Year after year, you taunt me during my time of rest with back-to-school commercials that seem to appear earlier and earlier each summer. Don’t you know that these commercials, while humorous to many, only serve to remind me of the hundreds and hundreds of dollars soon to leave my wallet? I can’t count the number of times I have been reclining on the couch with a fruity, cool, umbrella topped drink, happy to engage in utter mindlessness (read: Golden Girls and What Not To Wear reruns) when your commercial (read: cruel reminder) pop up on the screen and my state of zen is disrupted by visions of school drama to come.

I feel like we keep trying to break up, but can’t quite make it stick. Every time I think I’m through with you, you lure me back with promises of Big Savings for Teacher Appreciation Day. Come in now! Get your free tote! Filled with goodies! We appreciate what you do! Lies. All lies. Because I DO come in, I DO ask for the free tote and every time, EVERY SINGLE TIME you tell me I have the wrong date. Suddenly, I’m all dressed up with no place to go. Even my cries of, “I checked online and it said today was my day!” don’t seem to phase you. With a cool, “that must be the date for another location” you dismiss me, toss me aside.

I hate myself for it, but I keep coming back. Is it because I’m too lazy to find a replacement? Too used to your ways? Complacent? I don’t know.

There are just enough good times though, just enough for me to fool myself that you are the one for me. Like today. Convinced I had the date correct, I came back to you and as my eyes adjusted to your fluorescent lighting I saw it. Your gift to me. Your apology.

A brightly colored mix-and-match assorted paper clip stand. Mix. And. Match.

There were various sizes of containers to choose from which could be filled with big paper clips, small paper clips, animal shaped paper clips, colored paper clips, SHINY paper clips….whatever I wanted. Whatever. I. Wanted.

(sigh) I love you Staples. I just can’t seem to quit you.

Mrs. Mimi

(Visited 34 times, 1 visits today)
  • It's the happiest time of the year for me!


    August 24, 2009 at 1:47 am
  • It's ironic that you wrote about watching Golden Girls reruns–I just wrote about that show and what teachers can learn from it yesterday.

    August 24, 2009 at 3:30 am
  • Ohhhhh the mix and match….. I carefully walked away. Please tell me you're not completely relying on being "appreciated" by Staples, but by Office Depot as well… Yeah, it might be double dipping, but someone has to "appreciate" me, right? Get it when I can!


    August 24, 2009 at 5:12 am
  • Ryman (I don't know if this exists outside the UK) are giving everyone who spends over £5 a 50p voucher to give to their teacher.

    Wonder if they pull the same trick! I haven't looked closely but I'm willing to bet that the expiration date is after the start of term, which means that no-one will actually be able to give it to their teacher!

    August 24, 2009 at 8:39 am
  • I'm glad I'm not the only one who always gets the date wrong! Always always! Arrrgh! Then they try to make me feel better by offering me a leftover USB flash drive. Thanks, Staples. I'll add it to the collection.

    August 24, 2009 at 1:44 pm
  • I have such a love/hate relationship with Staples as well. The teacher appreciation flyer usually only applies to Manhattan locations, so you have to call your individual branch to find out when their doing it, except for this year it was horrible. The gift bag was stupid and there were almost NO SALES!!!! It makes me really angry because NYC public school teachers depend on Staples to stock their classrooms so their students don't have to know that their city doesn't care enough to even buy crayons.

    August 24, 2009 at 4:25 pm
  • How funny! I also went to MY local Staples, on the wrong date, and when the clerk saw my teacher reward card, he told me about the Appreciation Day that upcoming Saturday. I told him I knew about it, but would be unable to attend, as we were going out of town. He asked me to wait a minute, left the register, and went and got me the Appreciation Bag filled with goodies. Maybe you should move here!! LOL!

    August 24, 2009 at 7:18 pm
  • Office Max 'appreciated' me this year – until I reached the checkout. I asked for two orders checked out separately, school & non-school. The teenage clerk sneered, "Oh, do you get reimbursed for all this?" I bit my tongue and didn't use it to lash him good, even though he deserved it.

    August 24, 2009 at 11:33 pm
  • I don't even know if we have this appreciation day in Canada (I would be shocked if we were left out)! But Staples = the BEST school supply store out there. Hands down. Even as unhelpful as the staff at the ones here can be.

    August 25, 2009 at 10:59 pm
  • I didn't even know Staples had a teacher appreciation day. I only knew about Office Depot. Darn. I'll have to watch for it next year.
    I love office supply stores…turquoise butterfly clips, magnetic clips to go on the sheet metal I put on the wall in the back of the room, Sharpies…and more sharpies. Oh, I don't even have to think of a need for it…I just want it all.
    Thanks for your blog…

    August 26, 2009 at 2:26 am
  • Don't get me started on Office Depot.

    August 26, 2009 at 11:23 pm
  • I'm off to Staples RIGHT NOW!
    Yay expo click pens!!

    August 27, 2009 at 8:39 pm
  • I was at my own local Staples and saw the same fabulous display. I was heartbroken when I found out that they didn't have any of the containers to put them in so I couldn't buy any! What a waste. All that product and no way to buy it.

    September 7, 2009 at 11:21 pm

Post a Comment