Coffee Talk

As I sipped my coffee this morning, I had a flash of what I would be doing at this time of day if it was sometime during the school year. Suddenly, instead of relaxing with my book (not MY BOOK…although that would be a great read – hint, hint…but the book I am currently reading), I was sitting in my “teacher chair”, methodically counting down the time my friends had to clean up their math stuff and get their little behinds to the carpet. I could hear the furious scurrying of feet…you know that almost run that toes the line of appropriate movement in the classroom but just doesn’t seem worth the battle at 9:30? I could see friends hurriedly jamming packs of math cards into boxes, ripping the edges of the sad, tired box and with little regard to which direction the cards were facing. I could feel myself biting my tongue as friends, who truly were anxious to help and probably didn’t mean to, placed (read: threw) pattern blocks in their labeled bucket.

And then I remembered this gem…from a day when things weren’t going so smoothly.

(A warning, dear readers…I come from a family in which a really good bathroom joke is much appreciated, despite the fact that we are all now over 30 years of age. In fact, a good fart comment often receives a two snorts up from Big Mama Mimi and the rest of the crew….sorry mom, but it’s true. So if you are someone who can’t appreciate the sometimes very vulgar, always surprising, and totally hilarious things that come out of the mouths of small children, might I suggest that you, um, loosen up.) (You thought I was going to suggest they stop reading, right? Please.)

One day, earlier in my career (It makes me feel better to say that, kind of like a disclaimer, but whatever), my friends were cleaning up from math and things were not going smoothly. And that’s putting it mildly. It was one of those moments when you just watch the whole thing as if you’re floating above the classroom…very out of body and very disconcerting. I could see my hold on them crumbling, as unifix cubes were thrown, papers were carelessly shoved in desks and a fight erupted over who was going to get to collect the pattern block templates. Somehow, we managed to line up and get out the door to music in one piece, but as my line moodily walked out the door to their first stop in the hallway, I heard one of my deliciously naughty boys say to another boy (and I quote):

“Go tell your grandmother to shave her balls.”

Do I need to remind you that this all occurred before 9:00 a.m.?

So, enjoy your morning coffee, friends! It will be here before we know it!!

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  • Still cannot believe how fast the summer goes by. Trying hard to fight the urge to go back in and get a head start on the new year. You would think after ten years I would know better. Enjoy the warm coffee now everyone!

    July 28, 2009 at 3:18 pm
  • Thanks for the laugh!

    We appreciate good bathroom humor at my house as well.

    July 28, 2009 at 5:21 pm
  • I can't believe I'm laughing – but that story can only be true!! I spent part of yesterday organizing science kits and their coordinating consumable packages. It was worth the time to get into school for a little while but not take things too seriously, not just yet.

    July 28, 2009 at 6:29 pm
  • I so love your blog. We're on different sides of the country, but kids(and the thing they say)are the same everywhere. Keep up the great work!

    July 28, 2009 at 11:04 pm
  • That would totally happen with my kids too – but since they're in 6th grade, it might be a little more graphic.

    July 30, 2009 at 2:24 pm
  • "Go tell your grandmother to shave her balls."
    That's awesome and should be quoted! Brilliant! LOL- I teach too and this year I am DETERMINED to finally start the quote book we always say we should have in the faculty lounge. That quote should be the title!!

    August 1, 2009 at 2:22 am
  • I can't believe this story. This story is really funny.. Can you post some more stories?


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    August 19, 2009 at 8:02 am
  • I can't believe over this. It's amazing.
    is it real?


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    August 19, 2009 at 12:12 pm

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