The Final Showdown (For This Year At Least)
(Before I begin…totally sorry for not posting in ten days. Even after eight years, the last days of school always manage to knock me flat!! All the filing, organizing, grading….oh my! While at first glance, one might think, “Mrs. Mimi, you totally heart organizing and such” and you would not be wrong. However, at the end of the year, everything is so in your face and dominated by an urgent countdown of days left…it renders me fully catatonic (read: insane bitch). I have missed you though, my friends, I have missed you.)
Now that we have gotten that out of the way…
Get this. Last Friday I was absent. I know, I know…I am kind of a d-bag for being absent at The End, but I had a wedding related event. I am a bridesmaid and I take my duties quite seriously. Anyhow, I was absent, get over it. Another “teacher” (read: the dreaded kind out of the classroom person who is used to five free periods a day and therefore horrified when asked to work a full day) covered my room while I was gone. This “teacher” also happens to be all buddy-buddy with a certain Bacon Hunter.
(insert ominous music here)
Together they are like the Dynamic Douche Duo…two useless souls banded together in their pursuit of ways to slack off and not do any actual work. Basically, they are everything that is wrong with the public education system. I’m sure when they found out one of them would be posted in my room for the day, their first thought was, “I have to, um, DO stuff today?”, their second thought was, “How will I eat a bacon, egg and cheese in front of the children?” and their third thought was, “Jackpot.”
You see, I am a rock star. I work with other rock stars otherwise known as my Super Colleagues. And we have a little something I like to call the Binder of Everything That is Important…or the Binder Del Mundo. This binder is filled, literally brimming with genius. Original rubrics, engaging lesson plans, authentic assessments…seriously it is H-O-T with a capital brilliant! The Bacon Hunter has been trying FOR YEARS to get her little bacon-grease covered paws on this gem because it would be a) something she could/would take false credit for and b) a vehicle to do even less work than she already does.
Ever the consummate professionals, we have been hiding the Binder Del Mundo in locked closets for years. You know, because we’re collaborative? We’re safety conscious? We’re jerks? Whatever. I, personally, take part in the Binder Protection Plan because this woman adds absolutely NOTHING to our conversation and while I will share anything with anyone in the name of bettering our practice, I refuse to share anything…not even a scrap of paper with this woman. (Ooooo….I sound a smidge angry, don’t you think? I heard bitter equals wrinkles…I better watch out!)
You still with me? Okay. So I’m absent on Friday and the Bacon Hunter takes the opportunity to buddy up with her partner in crime and ransack through my cabinets while my kids are in the room and they should probably be, oh, I don’t know, attending to them or something. Let me say this again, so you can react fully and thoroughly. THEY RANSACKED THROUGH MY THINGS….MY CABINETS, MY FILES, MY SHELVES. I am assuming they were in hot pursuit of the Brilliant Binder. Um, so holla that I lock it up in a move of shockingly juvenile spite, right?
I come to work on Monday and several adult sources, along with a group of horrified students, told me of Fridays events. At first, I was all, “whatever…they stink…they didn’t find it.” But as the day wore on, I was more like, “WTF?! They went through my ROOM?!? I mean, I know it doesn’t technically BELONG to me, but it is MY SPACE. My KINGDOM. It is the only oasis I have at work.” In short, I became fairly pissed. And it was then that I thought to myself, “Self, you can not roll over and take this. There are five days left in the school year, so why not have a good old confrontation?”
Fast forward to me showing up in her office.
Me: Um, so did you find all my math supplies in proper order?
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: When you went through all my things…on Friday..when I wasn’t here.
Her: I would NEVER do that.
Me: But you did.
Her: Well…(Insert me holding up my hand here, stopping her in mid sentence. This is a move I learned from Big Mama Mimi when I was a teenager who may have, you know, mouthed off occasionally. It used to make me so mad when she would cut me off like that, that I would imagine snapping her hand off. However, fifteen years later…very effective.)
Me: Stop. I have been listening to you all year. Now, listen to me. Don’t go through my classroom. Ever. Never. If you need something, have the professional courtesy to ASK. I know we don’t always get along but I would NEVER go through your desk because I am not a sneaky, unprofessional person. Please show me the same respect. This will not happen again.
Her: You need to…
Me: Nope. No talking. (Cut to me turning on my fabulous heel – love you Nine West outlet near my grocery store! – and walked out of her office.)
So maybe it wasn’t the smack down you were envisioning. Maybe I should have just popped her.