Finding My Zen
I spent last weekend with my very best friends, one of whom kept talking about finding Zen places…sounds dirty, I know, but this is not THAT kind of blog.
I thought about my own Zen place, and wondered where it was. Or how I lost it. Or if I ever had one to begin with…all of which made me feel very bad about my new-ageness. I like the idea of being Zen…it conjures images of well groomed, peaceful people, reading books and sipping on refreshing drinks in a garden and butterflies, yes…lots of butterflies. I realized that this image is in direct contrast with my daily work life which usually involves hair dragged into a ponytail because that is all that is possible when one gets up at 5, running around like said hair is on fire all day, desperately trying to have some sort of meaningful interaction with someone and maybe squeeze in one meager sip from my misplaced water bottle or shove down a sandwich in three bites. (Please note, however, that both my Zen image and my actual Real Life Image involve fabulous heels, so I’m not a total failure.)
This last week I focused on finding my Zen, assuming that it had been lost somewhere, like a misplaced pencil or something, and if I just tried hard enough, I would find it again.
I thought my mission was a lost cause when I was told we had a surprise concert (which had been planned months in advance but no one had bothered to tell the teachers, so I guess, really, the surprise was just for me). Surprise! Scrap your plans! Be flexible!
If I become any more flexible, I may run off and join Cirque du Soleil. I bet they’re Zen.
So we’re at the SURPRISE! concert, which is Brazilian drumming group. And not only am I lamenting how this “oversight in communication” (that’s what the office calls it…you say “oversight in communication”, I say yet another F*ck up from a bunch of morons…tomato, tomato, right? ), I am also lamenting having had four glasses of wine the previous evening. Now, I never have more than a glass during the week, because I am not a huge drinker (read – I am old and can’t handle it anymore). But I made an exception because a very old friend was in town and catching up is just so much better over several (read – seven) glasses of good Cabernet. Long story short, the change in schedule hurt, the drumming hurt even more and I was definitely not feeling Zen.
And then the lady on stage started dancing. She had fabulously untamed curly hair and wasn’t wearing any shoes (which is usually a big old check in the minus column, but somehow seemed fitting for her). She danced to the music shaking her shaky thing (which probably had some sort of name that we were supposed to learn during the course of the concert but there was just so much banging, that I had trouble focusing….or caring) and was totally into it. At first I thought she was ridiculous and lame…I mean honestly, most people who perform in elementary schools are one small step from multi-colored turtlenecks, suspenders and that weird sing-songy this-is-how-I-think-you-are-supposed-to-talk-to-kids voice. But then I realized that she was just super into it. And super talented. And probably could give a rat’s ass what I thought of her anyway, because she clearly loved what she was doing.
I want to be the dancing lady with the shaky thing. She had found her Zen.
Later we were in the classroom, totally rocking out our math centers. Kids were (finally) making smart choices and starting to internalize all my talk (read-rambling) about taking responsibility for their own learning. At one point, when my small little cologne-spritzed current favorite chose the money game articulating that he chose it because he knows counting money is hard for him and he wants to improve, I almost had to wipe away a tear. (I can be that shmultzy, and I’m proud of it!)
And I realized. I am in my Zen place. With a shaky thing. Ok, not literally a shaky thing, but doing what I want to do. I know I have complained about my new batch of friends, but they are growing on me and have been surprising me a bit with how far they’ve come. I just get so bogged down by all the crap (let me define crap…”oversights in communication”, jacked up copy orders, bat shit crazy parents, the administrative obsession with hard numbers over actual people…need I continue?) that I forget about the kids. Which is so sad, because although I hate it when people tell me to “do it for the kids”, I do love my kids. And when they act bat shit crazy, forget to tell me something or screw up an assignment, at least it’s because they’re CHILDREN and still learning.
I think I have found my Zen. Will keep you posted.
Barb
So glad to hear from you. I’ve missed your comments lately. And I’m glad you found your Zen. Still wondering how the drumming and dancing fits into your elementary curriculum (music appreciation?), but a nice diversion from the classroom, huh? At our school this WEEK, we’ve had: the 4th grade musical program, the fire safety smoke trailer, the Children’s Place (focusing on telling adults if abuse is going on), end of grading period and grades due, principal walk-through (to see if you’re implementing the reading program!) and BBSST meetings. Thank Goodness I’m out of the classroom!!!
17 (really 15) more years
I wish I could find my Zen- I had it the last couple of years, then my most favorite kiddies left me- and I just can’t get it back with this crew.
Two round trip tickets to Aruba might help me find it though…..
Jpm
Oh maybe I found my Zen thing too! THe other day after a crazy visit from the fire fighters in which one of my little 5year olds peed on a teacher’s leg and another 5 year old flipped out. I started to listen to them play. Just play, one child was walking around with a clipboard writing every word she saw, another was making a layered collage ” just like in the book you read to us” and another few were playing in the block area taking turns. Oh my goodness is this how a kindergarten room works. I stil miss last years kids and still look at this years pre kindergarten students with glee. That group ROCKS. Cant wait until Aug 27 2009 when they become MINE !
Becky
I agree. . . The classroom is my Zen!
Mesmerized
Zen…I have found my zen in performing, I think. It’s not all about the shaky thing, but close to that. Thrilling is the word.
I love those kiddies stories that bring tears into your eyes. I also have my ‘they’re so cute’ moments, but I thought I was an isolated case 😮
Cassy
Hi! Found your blog today and I totally hear you! Great post… school is making me nuts. After 18years, you’d think they’d leave a girl alone…but it just gets harder and more, more, more!
el hongo
thanks for sharing. rock on. or, work with your inner Zen rock garden. do whatever it takes. and, please keep sharing.
Cierra
That is awesome/very inspiring. I am just beginning, about to intern in January, and hope that the kids will continue to be my Zen. I have heard so many stories about all of the negativity in education and from teachers to teachers. I already feel scared about becoming that worn out, barely hanging on to her sanity woman after 5-10 years. You have inspired me to hold onto the zen of the kids. Thanks and keep it up.
sexy
A片,A片,成人網站,成人影片,色情,情色網,情色,AV,AV女優,成人影城,成人,色情A片,日本AV,免費成人影片,成人影片,SEX,免費A片,A片下載,免費A片下載,做愛,情色A片,色情影片,H漫,A漫,18成人
a片,色情影片,情色電影,a片,色情,情色網,情色,av,av女優,成人影城,成人,色情a片,日本av,免費成人影片,成人影片,情色a片,sex,免費a片,a片下載,免費a片下載,成人網站,做愛,自拍
情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣
情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣用品
情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品.情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣
視訊聊天室
情色,AV女優,UT聊天室,聊天室,A片,視訊聊天室
UT聊天室,視訊聊天室,辣妹視訊,視訊辣妹,情色視訊,視訊,080視訊聊天室,視訊交友90739,美女視訊,視訊美女,免費視訊聊天室,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊,視訊聊天室,視訊聊天,視訊交友網,視訊交友,情人視訊網,成人視訊,哈啦聊天室,UT聊天室,豆豆聊天室,
聊天室,聊天,色情聊天室,色情,尋夢園聊天室,聊天室尋夢園,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,柔情聊天網,小高聊天室,上班族聊天室,080中部人聊天室,中部人聊天室,成人聊天室,成人
雪花
希望大家都會非常非常幸福~
「朵朵小語‧優美的眷戀在這個世界上,最重要的一件事,就是好好愛自己。好好愛自己,你的眼睛才能看見天空的美麗,耳朵才能聽見山水的清音。好好愛自己,你才能體會所有美好的東西,所有的文字與音符才能像清泉一樣注入你的心靈。好好愛自己,你才有愛人的能力,也才有讓別人愛上你的魅力。而愛自己的第一步,就是切斷讓自己覺得黏膩的過去,以無沾無滯的輕快心情,大步走向前去。愛自己的第二步,則是隨時保持孩子般的好奇,願意接受未知的指引;也隨時可以拋卻不再需要的行囊,一路雲淡風輕。親愛的,你是天地之間獨一無二的旅人,在陽光與月光的交替之中瀟灑獨行.............................................................................................................
有時,你覺得痛。胃痛的時候,接受它,承認這個疼痛是你的身體的一部份,與它和平共處。心痛的時候,接受它,承認這個經驗是你的生命的一部份,與它和平共處。抗拒痛的存在,只會讓它更要證明它的存在,於是你就更痛。所以,.無論你有多麼不喜歡痛的感覺,還是要接納這個痛的事實。與你的痛站在同一邊,不逃避,不閃躲,不再與你的痛爭執,如此,你的痛才會漸漸不再胡鬧,才會乖乖平息下去。.................
Kate Stark
I realize that this post is more than a year old, but just wanted to let you know that it helped me out this evening when I came home still mad about school. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be the dancing lady with the shaky thing. I just lose sight of that sometimes.