Why I’d Like To Be Kosher…

….Or….How One Person Has Totally Turned Me Off Bacon (which takes a huge display of idiocy as bacon is the food of my people…really, it’s our way.)

Of whom do I speak? Take one guess….you got it! The Bacon Hunter!!

Now, I realize that it has been quite a while since I have regaled you with tales of her uselessness, because I thought to myself, “self, how many times can those lovely people in the blogosphere listen to such ridiculous tales of slovenly behavior?”

Friends, I can not NOT talk about this one.

Where to begin? Where to begin?

OK. The Bacon Hunter is SUPPOSED to help us improve our abilities to teach math. In previous years, she “developed” our abilities by forcing us to meet with her once a week so that she could rattle off a list of things we were to do. The tasks on said list ranged from absolutely demoralizing (cleaning out closets because she didn’t feel like it) to totally mind numbing (transferring the data from one assessment onto three different types of graphs). Needless to say, we revolted. And by revolted, I mean went to the principal and bitched like a group of whiney six year olds.

Whatever, it got the point across and she got a “talking to.” (Sucka!) As a result, the proverbial pendulum has swung and she now takes on a near lifeless form in our still mandatory weekly meetings. Seriously, there are times when she can barely open her eyes, respond to a question or lift her stupid face off her stupid binder. (Yes, I am getting more mature by the second, I know….)

This past week, she managed to bark at us that we are to complete a ridiculous series of checklists once a month on each student. Perhaps our principal coerced her into tearing herself away from the newspaper and actually finishing a sentence with promises of thick and meaty egg and cheese sandwiches. I can’t imagine how else he got her to lift her head off the table….

Last year, we dutifully filled out these same checklists (despite our better judgement) to see if they really did improve our instruction. And, um, yea, no they did nothing. Except give me headaches. And take up my time. And cause me to burst into spontaneous rages over the wasting of my time…so, yea, they did all THOSE things, but improve my teaching? No.

So this year, we spoke up…and gave articulate and well-thought our responses to her query. We talked about which checklists help us craft our lessons and which feel like a waste of time. We talked about how our team is growing and becoming smarter about math instruction and therefore, our assessment tools need to evolve as well. All in all, we were brilliant. (I mean, duh…did you think for a second that we wouldn’t be?)

And in response?

Blank stares.

“Um, did you hear us?”

Blank stares.

“Bacon Hunter? Can we at least think about it and come to a decision in our next meeting?”

Blank stares.

“Ok…um, yea. So I guess we’ll just sleep on that one. Maybe we can think it over, talk about it in our next meeting and come to a decision.”

Blank stares.

“Will you tell the principal what we talked about? I think he needs to hear our concerns.”

Blank stares.


Blank stares.

“Do you want some bacon?”

Fast foward to the end of the day. I go to the office to check my mail box. What do I find?


Um, hi…DID YOU HEAR ME???? Were you not LISTENING??? Evidently she went straight from our meeting, disregarded everything we said and made the damn copies. And I”m just supposed to roll over and fill them out without so much as the promise of a measly bacon, egg and cheese sandwich? Oh sister friend, you better get ready, because Mrs. Mimi doesn’t roll over for anybody!

I now have a better understanding of the phrase “talking to the wall.”

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