A Rookie Mistake
Happy Holidays everyone!! As you may have noticed, I took a bit of a blogging hiatus over the vacation. But it was worth it because after my first full day back (sigh), I am actually (dare I say it?), feeling happy and re-energized?!?!? Quick, someone knock on wood because who knows how long it will last!!
I probably should have blogged this pre-holidays, but I was NOT feeling energized and refreshed at all as I hysterically attempted to pack gifts, wrapping paper and clothes to visit my in-laws for the holidays. Let’s just say I was not filled with holiday cheer…but this little gem was stored in the back of my mind just WAITING to be blogged. It’s good.
So, imagine for a moment the day before the holiday break. For those of you who don’t teach, it’s like keeping a lid on a boiling pot of insanely over-excited crazy people. We are sugared up, sleep deprived, over excited and counting the minutes until the end of the day. We have completed the requisite holiday-non-religious-or-overly-specific craft and are shining with a fresh coat of glue and glitter. Bags are packed, holiday homework packets are passed out and there are STILL fifteen minutes before I can bring them downstairs to be dismissed (damn!). Being FIVE minutes early makes you look on top of your shite, but being FIFTEEN mintues early to the auditorium makes you look like a strung out lazy jerk and you know I’m all about appearances.
And in that fifteen minutes, I made the fatal mistake of agreeing to opening my presents in front of the class.
Keep in mind, I have taught for seven years. I should know better.
Shame on me.
We gather on the carpet. Quite a few children have generously brought me a gift this year. Honestly, I don’t expect much and would be very happy with a thoughtful drawing or something, but many of my parents are amazing and have sent something in. I even have one friend who saved his allowance for three weeks to but a gift for me. I mean, COME ON!
We are mid love-fest as I unwrap the usual mugs, scented candles, assorted lotions and soaps. Apparently I smell. But I am choosing not to be offended. Everyone is excited and giggly as I unwrap their gift.
And then I get to a beautifully wrapped shirt box from my friend who we will call Braids. (She always has them). Braids can barely contain herself.
Braids: Open it! Just rip off the paper!
Me: But it’s so pretty…
Braids: I picked it out myself. For you…
Me: That’s very sweet.
Braids: It’s for Mr. Mimi too.
(That was a KEY piece of information. Also remember that she said she picked this out HERSELF.)
I pull out the box, and open the lid as Braids practically pees in her pants because she is so excited….
(Oh my God!)
(Are you sitting down?)
A BRIGHT RED NIGHTIE AND A BLACK G-STRING!!!!!
I am so serious.
It’s OK. Take a moment. I had to.
Me: Wow!! How lovely!
(Which I managed to say as I scramble to put the lingerie back into the box a.s.a.p. so that EVERYONE doesn’t have the opportunity to bask in this gift’s inappropriate glory.)
Braids: My mom says you can use it to have babies.
I guess it’s the thought that counts?
17 (really 15) more years
First of all Mimi, welcome back and happy new year!
Now THAT’S a fabulous gift- and here I was all excited about the UGG slippers I got.
(BTW- did Mr. Mimi like it?? lol- j/k)
You have GOT to be kidding.
You better make sure this blog is backed up, ’cause you need to write a book.
what a gem. haha. awesome.
Excellent! In a disturbing way, of course.
The Science Goddess
Such a great story. Makes you wonder if Braids will remember that she did this when she is your age.
*GASP* HAHAHAHAH!!! Oh that’s fresh…I needed that!
Happy New Year!
Makes the chocolate and cookies I got pale in comparison. Hee, hee. 🙂
Oh, wow. Amazing. I now know to never open student gifts in front of the class.
hi mimi…. happy new year! that totally beats my one dirty sock and chewed on carrots! hilarious!
You totally beat my 7th grader gifts! That’s the most over the top gift ever – congrats.
OMG that is the BEST thing I may have ever heard. Ever. And I am sooooooooo going to give the same thing to my kid’s teacher next year.
Oh. Actually, she’s like 60, so it might kill her. But still. Dude. That is awesome. And I am thrilled to hear you are happy and energized to be back. I thought of you all day long, as I skipped in glee (today was my first kid-free day) and wondered what it must be like “on the other side.”
wow. i want to be you. you have the best(worst?) stories…best. present. ever! and it’s the kind of gift that keeps on giving…
Okay, now I’m just snorting with no other sound coming out!
Just stumbled upon your blog and all I can say is…OMFG! That is sad and hysterical in one breath! This begs the question…have you worn it? LOL
Made. My. Day.
Trinity (of haiku tofu)
OH NO SHE DI'INT!!!