And Now Let’s Talk About “Privates”
Thanks to all of you who asked about my long weekend…it was lovely and restorative. Many cocktails with umbrellas in them were embibed and I’m am fabulously tan. All in all…perfect. But now, back to reality.
Isn’t it inevitable that once the school year starts that words such as “privates” and “bottom” will sneak back into our vernacular every so subtly? Well friends, that time is here and boy, it’s back with a vengeance!!
Last week, before our break and my FABULOUS trip to somewhere tropical (I’m am so tan!!) one of my little male friends…we’ll just call him Grabby Hands…patted another little girl’s bottom during a read aloud. We’ll call her The Victim. Of course all of this happens while I’m fully engaged in a rousing rendition of Mo Willems’ Knuffle Bunny (brilliant!) and goes complete unnoticed. The Victim says nothing and Grabby Hands goes on with his day…clearly the guilt was easy to overcome.
So. The Victim goes home and tells her parents. The Victim’s parents come in a demand a meeting. A bit much in my opinion but I’m just going to go with it…I don’t mess around with this whole “privates” business.
Let’s fast forward to the day of the big Pow Wow.
Scene: Ms. Weavalicious’ office.
Characters: myself, Ms. Weavalicious , The Victim and her parents, Grabby Hands and his parents.
Me: So what have you learned Grabby Hands?
Grabby Hands: I shouldn’t touch anyone during school…especially in their “privates.” (Insert angelic look and some eyelash fluttering here)
Me: The Victim? What did you learn?
The Victim: I learned that I have to tell the teacher when something makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s OK to ask for a private conversation, especially when it’s about my “privates.” (Imagine her young feminist self blossoming during this brief speech…girl power, honey!!)
Ms. Weavalicious: I’m so proud of you both. I’m glad you learned your lesson Grabby Hands. Remember, you have a lifetime of touching other girls’ privates…you don’t need to start now.
WHOAH!!!! Let me say that again…a little big louder now…
And I quote –
“YOU HAVE A LIFETIME OF TOUCHING OTHER GIRLS’ PRIVATES!!!”
WTF???!? Do you even see the parents sitting in your office?? They are not wearing camouflage. What are you thinking??
Glad you get double my pay. You sure earned that extra cash today.