Puke and Stuff
After my fabulous week off (spent in sunny fabulous places- I love you frequent flier miles!), I came back to work ready to be more patient and amazing than ever. My friends and I have had a great week. We jumped right back in and have gotten so much accomplished, our days have been easy and uneventful. No one is funky or grouchy. It is lovely. Reminiscent of my Dream Year last year. Even Big Boy and I have seemed to come to an understanding. He did actual work today…I almost cried.
Speaking of bodily fluids…
As you have heard me say before, “I work in an incubator of germ and snot.” My daily work life, and that of elementary teachers everywhere, is filled with a wide variety of bodily fluids. Pee, puke, poop, snot, drool, spit, and the occasionally, blood. That’s a pretty thorough list in my opinion…I mean, there are very few other liquids that actually can come out of a person.
I have had children pee on chairs, floors and rugs. They have peed by accident and, on a few occassions, on purpose. Just to get back at me for asking them to sit out of an art project.
I have pulled apart pages glued together by snot. Wiped drool off arms of sleeping children and water fountains. Shaken my finger at friends who spit on other friends.
Friends have puked in garbage cans, on desks, on chairs, on each other! But today…
a friend puked on me.
Eight years of teaching and I have never been puked on. Ever. But today, I lost my vomit virginity* and am now a card carrying member of the Puke Party.
We were lined up and on our way out of the classroom. I was leading my friends down the hall (so my back was to them), when one very sick little girl must have gotten out of line and walked quickly to the front to tell me she was sick. Or maybe she got out of line to run to the bathroom. Maybe she was aiming for me. Who knows? It doesn’t really matter because all of a sudden a warm, wet, something felt like it was being thrown at the back of my legs.
And that warm, wet something was a stomach full of boot.
My friend then proceeded to hurl all over the hallway and herself. At least she’s thorough. Once empty, she promptly burst into tears and said, “I’m sorry Mrs. Mimi!” I quickly pulled myself together (Don’t worry…she didn’t get my shoes, so my moment of panic was very short lived), told her it was OK, took her pukey hand (Hey, why stop at just pukey legs?), and walked her down to the nurse with my whole class in tow.
* Special thanks to debbie, a wonderful reader who suggested some brilliant alliteration!